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Martine Brereton
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June 2004
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*sitting, hidden, in a window seat, away from all the end of year activity of the school*

It's raining. Which is absolutely appropriate for my mood.

Everything's done. All exams, most of the packing...everything.

And tomorrow, we go home. And when we come back in September, everything will have changed.

I don't want it to change.

I hate this.

Absolutely hate it.

Je sens: distresseddistressed

Aidan's 18 today. And soon it'll be Dylan's 18th too.

Dieux, we're all getting so old. It's almost the summer holidays, Dylan and Finn will be getting married and then I'll be 18 soon after we get back again in September.

I'm not altogether sure I like the idea of us all having to grow up. I know I have a bit of reputation for being sensible and responsible. But to have to be, purely because you've reached a certain age - that makes me a little uneasy. I should do more reckless things before I'm too old to get away with them. *smiles*

Anyway, I should go and find Aidan and take his present. Not altogether sure it's 'him', but I couldn't resist it. It's a Wizarding Chess set. Only the pieces are all Quidditch players and the game is played actually above the squares on the board. Even I liked it, and I'm just a little averse to Quidditch.

(Actually, I bought two. I've hidden one. It'll be for Noah as part of his Christmas present from me. And no, even I don't normally start buying Christmas presents this early.)

The horses' accomodation is sorted out for the summer. They'll be going up to Barra to stay at Finn's home. I know they'll love it there. Also, it means I'm going to have to visit, which will be SUCH a hardship *grins*. All that wonderful food and the warm welcome and general feeling of genuine affection which pervades everything in Finn's parents' home - well, I suppose I'll have to do my best to cope with it.

But anyway...yes...Aidan. I should find him.

Je sens: cheerfulcheerful

I've barely had a moment to myself for the past couple of weeks. I mean, it's not as though I've been studying all the time - I've managed to spend a fair bit of it with Eveline, Dylan, Will and of course, Noah. Still, there hasn't been much "Me" time. That's not a bad thing, and I'm certainly not complaining. But sometimes it's good just to be able to take a step back and gather my thoughts a bit.

Exams are going well. Naturally, I don't have the pressure of O.W.L.s this year, and the N.E.W.T.s aren't until next year, but these exams are still important. Luckily, exams and I are good friends. I don't have a problem with them at all. Noah's the same, although you'd never think it to hear him speak. It's good to study with him though, even if he DID tell me he thinks I'd make a good Slytherin. *giggles* I hardly think so. He just meant my ambition though. In a way, that surprises me. I mean, yes. Of course I want to do well, but I do well because I'm a fanatical reader. I do that, not for the knowledge it gives me, but for the sheer joy of it, much like Aidan with his Quidditch.

We're seeing not quite so much of the seventh years at the moment - they're all buried deeply in the final stages of their N.E.W.T. exams and the stress is showing on most of them. Even Finn looks tired. Still, not long now, and we'll have them all back again for what remains of the term. It's hard to believe that we have less than a month left together now. It still upsets me. But we can always meet up in Hogsmeade on occasion and they can regale us with tales of the Outside World which we'll be entering ourselves next year.

But as difficult as it is for me to contemplate being without half of 'my' people, it must be so much worse for poor Noel. After all, this time next year, he'll be in the same position I am now. Only he'll be on his own for a whole year once we've gone. Well, he won't since we'll be keeping in touch and visiting, of course. It's not the same though. I really think we should plan something - the party to end all parties - for the end of term, and ask Noel to think up the theme. I'll have a word with Will and he can suggest it to Noel. Or perhaps Will can think of something which he would like instead and it can be a sort of surprise for him.

I have to arrange somewhere for the horses to spend the holidays as well. Caley had them last year, and I was so grateful to her, but I don't like to impose again. Perhaps Finn's family wouldn't mind them going up to Barra. I know they'd like it there and they could get to meet Baron and Khamsin. Also, it means that if and when we visit there during the holidays, there will be more horses for people to ride. They don't know all of Finn's horses, whereas most of them know Pucelle and Leonato, and can handle them to some degree. Perhaps I can even persuade Noah to ride again.


Alright - maybe not. But the opportunity will be there anyway.

Finn and Dylan's wedding plans seem to be going well, or at least they are if the dress fittings are anything to go by. I'm so looking forward to it, although I know I'll cry. *smiles* I just can't wait to see my Dylan be married to his Finn, and I know he'll be happier than even I could have ever wished for him. Also, I can't say how happy I am that Noah will be one of Finn's groomsmen. Again, he hasn't said much, but I know he's delighted to have been asked. And, of course, if Noah's happy then so am I. We really need to think of a gift for them. It has to be a special one, but I just can't think of any at all. I'm so bad at thinking up ideas for gifts for men.

Gifts - oh dieux, yes. We have three birthdays coming up as well. Aidan on the 13th, Alfie's on the 17th and Dylan on the 20th. I know I still have some time, but it will be Aidan and Dylan's 18th birthdays, and that's special. I really need to get my brain working towards something good for all of them. I suppose I could ask Mo and Finn - and Gabe, but I want to think of something myself. And besides, Mo would probably only think of something rude which I could never bring myself even to ask for, never mind take off a shelf and hand to a shop assistant. I'd die of embarrassment! *giggles* I should get Noah's opinion. He's a Boy - sorry, a Man *grins* - so he might be able to suggest something.



...oh...OH! I think I know - for Dylan and Finn. I wonder if I can have it done in time. There's a shop, in Hogsmeade, that makes them to order. I should...erm...I have a photograph somewhere. Yes. They should be able to work from that. And it's so much better than just a painting - well, I think so anyway.

Yes! Yes, I'll go for that. I'll find the photograph and take it into Hogsmeade tomorrow. I can look for presents for the birthdays too. I'll ask Noah and Eveline if they can come with me - and Adie. Adie's a good idea *nods*. He can help with Aidan's present. And he'll give me an honest opinion on my idea for the wedding gift too - well, they all will.

Hee! I need a pat on the back! And there's nobody here to do it. *giggles* I should remedy this immediately.

*goes off to find the photograph she wants, and to find Noah*

Je sens: cheerfulcheerful

And again, we have the post-party dying session. *giggles* As always, it would appear that the only ones unaffected are myself and Adie.

I love fried breakfasts, especially when there is SO much to pile on my plate. I swear I should weigh a good four stones more than I do. The gods be blessed for quick metabolisms.

However, I have to admit that I have next to no memory whatsoever of what happened at Finn's party. I'm sure I enjoyed it. I always do. I'm equally sure that I wouldn't have done anything embarrassing - Noah always makes sure that I don't. In fact, he envies the fact that, no matter how drunk I am, I never seem to quite reach that point where I completely lose all sense of decorum. I've told him I'll teach him the trick just as soon as I learn what it is myself.

We're still working and revising for our exams. This year obviously isn't quite so vital for the sixth years as it is for the sevenths. We still need to do well though. If we have any really bad results, we may be forced to drop that subject. Of course, I'm sure Noah and I will be fine. Eveline too. But we can't afford to be complacent.

I'm grateful for being busy though. It's taking my mind away from other things, the main one being that every day brings the end of school closer and closer, and I'm still dreading that more and more. I don't want us splitting up. I want us to stay the way we are now. It's just not fair.

And...odd things are still happening. Nothing overly bad or dangerous. But...things are going missing and then turning up in odd places. Perhaps it's me. Maybe I'm becoming distracted through overwork. But...I don't think so. It's never happened to me before. *frowns*

Still, so long as it's just silly things like that, I suppose I can live with it. I wish it made sense though.

Not like me at all, to be neglectful and forgetful. I hope I'm not coming down with something.

Je sens: okayokay

I still think it was grossly unfair - no, I know it was grossly unfair, but my Detention actually wasn't that bad, since I had to help decorate the Great Hall for Beltane.

Of course, I'd have enjoyed it more if I'd been with my friends, but it wasn't so bad, and all of us who did it were more than pleased with our efforts by the end. The Great Hall looked absolutely beautiful with all the flowers we put up, interspersed with hawthorne. And by yesterday morning, the air smelled so fragrant. It was lovely. Of course, Dylan could probably have done a far better job in half the time with none of the assistance *smiles*, but we were pleased with it.

There have been no new incidents since my essay disappeared. Perhaps it was just a fluke, that I was so distracted over the whole mess with Herbology and the Bubotuber Pus that I DID put it down somewhere else. I don't know.

I still didn't throw the Pus though. And I actually think that Professor Roberts believes me. But...even I have to admit that it looked as though I did.

But then, last night, we lit the Beltane fire. I ALWAYS love that. I don't know why, but I do. I get all tingly and giggly. It's silly, I know. But it just means that summer is on its way. And I have my piece of rowan hanging over my bed now - (I discovered something a couple of years ago. Muggles used to hang rowan as a means of keeping witches away. *grin* I DO so love Muggle superstition. And I know that sounded condescending - I don't mean for it to) - so summer is officially permitted to start. I have declared it! *laughs*

And, to celebrate, I think I'll go and fly around for a while. I haven't been up on my broom for a while - not for any length of time anyway. I just might kidnap my boyfriend and rectify the situation.

Je sens: cheerfulcheerful


I had to redo my D.A.D.A. essay. The Veela one. I KNOW it was in my bag, and everybody knows I did it. But when I came to look for it yesterday afternoon, it just wasn't there.

Professor O'Leary was actually very good. I think he put it down to me having personal problems with the subject matter. I got a bit of a lecture, but I didn't lose any more House Points. And Noah was there beside me, so that helped a little. He's as puzzled as I am, of course.

But that's not the point. This is ME! I don't lose essays. I don't hand them in late, and I NEVER have to redo them. Luckily, I had a double study period today so I could do it then. But again...I should be revising for exams, not rewriting work which I KNOW I had ten minutes before the lesson. I managed to keep it safe and handed it in during our single lesson this morning. In fact, everything seems to have been alright so far today.

We have double Herbology now. I'm almost scared to go, after what happened yesterday.

And tonight, I have to do my Detention. Friday night. When I wanted to be with Noah and my friends and we could stay up late and laugh and talk and...

Oh, what's the use? Professor Roberts is coming now, I can see her. I can't risk making her even more angry.

Je sens: confusedconfused

I...can't believe it.

I just can't.

I NEVER get Detentions. EVER! And as for losing House Points? Well...just no!

Well...alright. There was that time in second year when Noah and I both ended up with Detentions for what seemed like a decade. But that was because of the incident in Transfiguration. Which he started, but for which I've MORE than forgiven him.

But...no. And Professor Roberts should KNOW I'd NEVER do something so stupid as to throw Bubotuber puss. I just...wouldn't. I wouldn't have even done that to Noah when we were at our worst. Well, unless he really provoked me into losing my temper, I suppose. But...well, probably not even then.

It wasn't me. I didn't do it. And I NEVER lie. She should know that.

And I can't find Noah, and lunch is nearly over. And alright, so we have double D.A.D.A. together after lunch, but I can't tell him properly then or I'll get into more trouble from Professor O'Leary.

She told me she was considering asking Professor Carlson to reconsider the wisdom of me being a Prefect. As if a Detention and losing 100 House Points wasn't enough. Especially for something I didn't do.

And I DIDN'T do it!

Je sens: angryangry/upset/tearful

Absolutely nothing to report.


Except that last night was wonderful, and if Noah thought I was being stupid he did a very good job of hiding it. And he, of course, was just perfect. And today, I'm even more ridiculously in love with him than ever.

Bonky did an excellent job for us, providing the most deliciously prepared food. I should send him something to thank him. Perhaps he'd like some new strings for his guitar. It's always handy to have spares, I should imagine. And he's been such a good friend to all of us. Nothing's ever too much trouble for him.

I think I'll do that. I can Floo to Hogsmeade and back in no time.

Noah? Do you want to come with me? We needn't be long, and nobody will even notice we're gone.

And...something occurred to me. You know last night? We didn't talk about Daniel once. Imagine that! *smiles*

Je sens: lovedloved

Finn - could Slytherin House do without Noah for tonight? We erm...well, I'm sure he's forgotten, but we have something to celebrate *blush*.

I mean, I'm sure it won't have even crossed his mind. But...well...erm...it's a little difficult for me to explain. So, please don't ask me, because I'll die of embarrassment.

::Spell-locked for Secrecy::Collapse )

Je sens: lovedin love

A picnic with the people who mean more than anything in the world to me was just what I needed. And all the gods bless Dylan for making me see sense again.

So anyway, today I'm definitely tackling this essay. It's fine. It's NOT me, and it never WILL be me. Yes, I know it's Sunday, and that I have most of tomorrow as study periods before it's due in on Tuesday morning. But I'm doing it now. It will not be put off any longer.

Besides, I want Noah to read it through when I've finished it. I don't want any...well, I don't want it to be less than my usual standard just because I may be a little sensitive towards the subject matter. But it'll be fine. I'm sure it will. Besides, if I can't handle this topic, then I have no right taking DADA at N.E.W.T. level anyway.

I went out for an early morning ride this morning. You know, I really think that's my favourite time of the day, especially at this time of the year. Everything's so fresh and new and...well yes, perhaps a little cold still, since we are quite far north. It's beautiful though, and I love the peace and quiet, only broken by the sound of Pucelle's hooves and grunts. If only Noah could get over his problem with horses, it would be absolutely perfect.

But I have SO much. To ask for perfection would be just selfish of me. After all, I don't share his love of Quidditch, and I'm sure he'd like me to go and watch games with him sometimes.

Maybe we could both go out on our brooms later. Just fly off somewhere for a little while alone. I'll go and find him when I've finished this, and suggest it to him.


And I'm going to ask if the Mirror Room can be kept free on Tuesday, just for us. We have another anniversary to celebrate.

Je sens: cheerfulcheerful
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